she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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