Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize