Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
