the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
