dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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