Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
