Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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