I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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