Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
