You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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