A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize
