Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
