he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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