problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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