So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
