"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
