Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize