Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
please come you make the beer taste better
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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