i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
