I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
