Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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