if i can run in heels then i can drive
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
