I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My cat gives me a boner
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
