He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My dick has a subreddit
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
