i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
