yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
