This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Everything about him screamed your future.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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