Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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