phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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