Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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