The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
