I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
