You're my little dorito
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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