dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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