Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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