im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
