if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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