why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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