Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
