yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
