do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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