Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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