took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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