Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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