Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
