I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
