I accidentally had phone sex last night
kristin has been a bad kristin
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize