So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
