Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
MIDGETS
????
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
