Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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