Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
