the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
