Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
