I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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