Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
