They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
