What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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