I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
