I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
