Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize