Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
