i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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