Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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