Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
