you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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