I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize