So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
