all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
