Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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