so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
