If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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