Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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