wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
