I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
