I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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