explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
