drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
