You just made me feel so damn special
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
