im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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