Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
