i permit you to call me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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